Taylor Hill got real about the “roller-coaster of emotion” she experienced after suffering a miscarriage.
“About three years ago, I had a miscarriage. I’ve never spoken about it before,” Hill, 28, revealed during the Monday, June 17, episode of the “On Purpose With Jay Shetty” podcast. “My family knows and my close friends know.”
The model recalled the “really strange circumstance” of her pregnancy, explaining that she was on an IUD when she learned she was going to have a baby.
“I wasn’t actively trying to get pregnant. I was engaged to my husband. We were not planning on starting a family for a while,” Hill confessed. “I was not in the headspace to get pregnant. I didn’t understand it.”
She remembered being “shocked” and “sad” when the doctor initially told her the news. In addition to being “scared” about the pregnancy, Hill said her now-husband, Daniel Fryer, was stuck in London because of COVID-19 travel restrictions, which added to her stress.
Because Hill conceived while on an IUD, she was warned that there was a 50/50 chance that the pregnancy would stick. At six weeks, Hill heard the heartbeat and got an ultrasound and that made her turn the corner about possibly becoming a mother at age 25.
She said she felt “somewhat ready” and was “coming to so many terms of acceptance” when she reached the nine-week mark. Unfortunately, that’s when she lost the pregnancy.
“I start seeing what looks like fresh blood,” Hill recalled of her miscarriage, noting that she was “alone” in her house with only her beloved dog, Tate, since Fryer was in the U.K.
The actress recalled the sad moment, saying, “I call my husband and I’m just devastated. We’re both crying. I could just tell he was so heartbroken that he couldn’t be there. I think that was very painful for him too, both of us.”
Once she suffered the miscarriage, the loss started to take a toll on her mental health. “I felt a sense of failure. I felt a sense of betrayal of my own body of my own self,” Hill said. “It’s OK to be mad at yourself. You don’t have to get over it right away.”
For a long time, Hill struggled with how to deal with the feelings of initially not wanting a baby to being ready and heartbroken that she was not a mother.
While she knew that the “timing wasn’t right” and wanted to believe that “everything happens for a reason,” she said she was “absolutely devastated that I’m not a mother.”
“The day it happened, I just sobbed to [my best friend],” Hill added. “She held me, and I held her.”
Now that Hill has had time to reflect, she knows it’s “not my fault” and “my body didn’t fail me.” The pregnancy, which most likely failed due to the IUD conception, “wasn’t healthy,” she said.
“Three years later, I have so much more perspective. I’ve given myself so much time to heal from that,” she continued. “It no longer feels like an open, gaping wound. It feels like a scare. It’s definitely still with me. There’s a mark there.”
Hill, who got married in June 2023, revealed that the miscarriage is “still a tender spot” for her and she thinks it might stay that way.
“It’s an injury that I feel like my spirit has endured,” she said, noting, “I think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.” Despite her heartbreak, Hill is “confident and comfortable enough to talk about it,” which she said feels like a win.