2023 is a hell of a rush.
It has already given us a movie about a bear that takes cocaine. (Called, somewhat appropriately, Cocaine Bear.) Against all odds, Cocaine Bear has just become one of the year’s first surprise hits at the box office, grossing an impressive $23.1 million in its opening weekend. (You know what you can buy with $23.1 million? Me neither.)
Well, that sort of success gets people’s attention — especially the makers of “mockbusters” over at The Asylum, who specialize in (lovingly) ripping off big-time Hollywood movies with lesser stars and smaller budgets. Over the weekend, as Cocaine Bear was getting moviegoers all across the country high (on life), The Asylum revealed they were prepping their own movie about a drug-fueled monster. It is called, Attack of the Meth Gator.
In their tweet announcing the film, they even joked about the Cocaine Bear connection. “Hold our bear… I mean, beer,” they wrote.
A followup tweet confirmed that, yes, this is a real movie (well, real-ish. It’s as real as an Asylum movie gets anyway.)
As for the ludicrousness of a film about a gator on meth, well it’s no more absurd than a movie about a bear on cocaine. Both are sort of based on true stories. Just a few years ago, there were reports of a Tennessee town warning residents not to flush their drugs (and particularly their meth) down the toilet, lest the drugs get into the water supply and make their way to some unsuspecting gator, thus creating a manic killer croc. Here’s a Time Magazine video on the story:
That’s more than enough of a premise for a Meth Gator movie — and for the inevitable crossover sequel, Cocaine Bear vs. Meth Gator. But then what do you do for the threequel? I personally would like to see an Ecstasy Sloth; I think that has a lot of comedic potential.
The Worst Billion-Dollar Blockbusters
All of these movies grossed more than $1 billion at the box office. And they all stink.